It has occurred to me in recent months that life does not always happen exactly as we would like it to, and there is not much we can do about that short of beating our chests and screaming "why me"?, which to me seems singularly unhelpful. Given the circumstances of my own life, what with parents dying, volcano's erupting, children's illnesses, a bad back, yoyo dieting and a multitude of other personal and natural disasters, one would have to conclude that I am profoundly obtuse not to have noticed this sooner.
This idea of circumstances being beyond our control is an extremely vexing concept for someone who is compelled to try and orchestrate every moment of her life and I...I mean, they...yes...they must find it quite difficult to accept. As for me (because I'm not "they"), if I could choose it to be so, my life would be set to a truly epic soundtrack (and in my head it already is). I would have no physical trials and all of my relationships would go perfectly. My perfect life would be filled with masses of witty repartee and perfect weather (my definition of perfect, of course). Fascinating friends and loving family would abound, and I would fly to far off, exotic locations at the drop of a hat. On Friday date night, Derek and I would decide to whisk off to India for the weekend in search of some really exceptional Tikka Masala and Pompodoms, and over the Easter holiday, we would jet down to South America to photograph Mayan ruins for National Geographic. Oh, and I would also be younger, thinner and better looking.
It is a lucky happenstance that I actually have many of those things in my life now (aside from the younger, thinner, better looking thing). I am surrounded by intelligent and witty people who care about me and whom I adore. I have traveled the world extensively (and yet always seem to want to see more) and done and seen some pretty fabulous things. I have amazing children, adorable grandchildren, a truly exceptional husband, a beautiful home and great friends, and yet I have not mastered the ability to control all of the events in my life. For instance, if I WERE in control, my bust line would not have gone south for the winter and crows would not have built nests at the corner of my eyes and stomped their stupid little crow's feet all over them. If I were in control, on cold mornings it would not take Derek's helping hand and a significant amount of Motrin to get me out of bed in the morning. There are so many things that would be different if I were in control. For instance, it is my belief that if nations and governments would just ask me for my opinion, things would even run smoother on a global scale.
Then it occurs to me what a good thing it is that I am NOT in control, because I suspect that if I were, I would muck things up royally. Instead, I have discovered that being in control of our fate is not what is important. Don't get me wrong. I agree with that whole master of my own destiny thing for the most part. I can choose an education, I can choose a career, I can choose my spouse, with a little plastic surgery, I could even choose a different nose or bigger lips...by the way...yuck. I'm not talking about the control we have over OUR decisions. I'm talking about the control that we DON'T have over other people's decisions. The real trick in getting by in this life is what we do with the hand that is dealt us. I don't think that God sits up on some glistening throne thinking "You know, just for kicks I'm going to really mess up so-and-so's life today". I suspect he is more likely thinking, "I can't wait to see what imaginative and inventive solution so-and-so will come up with to solve THIS little conundrum"!
Our God is not like mythological Gods of Ancient Greece and Rome. He is not motivated by malice, jealousy or arrogance. Whoever thought those guys up had issues and should have sought out a few counseling sessions with Plato or Aristotle, or Dr. Phil.
No, our God is the cleverest of parents. He sees when we will not learn a lesson simply by being told. He knows just when to twist our knickers into just enough of a bunch to get us riled into taking control of OUR actions, and more importantly, our REactions vs. trying to control things that are simply beyond our control.
So, while my life does not always go in the exact direction that I think it should, I have found that if I work within certain parameters, it will always go in the direction that is best for me, whether I like it or not. Thank Heaven (literally) for the little trials and hiccups that are sent our way every day. Life really would be mind numbingly boring without them.
